Why The Law of Attraction Isn’t Working For You

I’ve studied the mind for more than half my life, and I consider myself an expert in the field of anxiety disorders. I’ve conquered agoraphobia twice in twenty-four years with the use of my mind, and I know why our minds do what they do and how to repair the problem. So when I tried to put The Secret into use and was coming up with zero results, I had to know the reason. I prayed and meditated, and asked God to give me the reasons why it wasn’t working for me. And He did. He led me to read many books on the subject, and I now have the answers. I am going to tell you, straight-up, why The Secret, The Laws of Attraction, and any other books you’ve read haven’t worked for you. Here we go.

The reason why these books and courses haven’t worked is because they are witholding the fundamental truth. They’ve selectively omitted certain words that are crucial for the understanding of it. They haven’t used the words, SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEFS, anywhere. They haven’t stated that your core beliefs are responsible for all your manifestations. They haven’t stated that you must find out what these core beliefs are, and then change them, if you want to manifest your desires. The law of attraction is dictated by the SUBCONSCIOUS MIND AND ONLY THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND. What this means is simple: you can consciously think positive thoughts all day long, but unless your core beliefs (your subconscious) line up with your thoughts and desires, you’re wasting your time and energy. It’s a simple fact that The Secret doesn’t exactly tell you. Yes, The Secret tells you that you have to believe in order for it to work, but it doesn’t tell you that your core beliefs are responsible for what you are manifesting. It doesn’t say that what you believe underneath is how the universal laws are governed.

Take a look at your life. If you’ve been practicing The Secret, and it’s been a few months, and you’re still broke, still over weight, still alone, then something is definitely wrong. If you’ve been thinking wonderful and positive thoughts and nothing’s happened, then you have to ask yourself why. The reason is simple. The law of attraction is a universal law that’s always perfect, either way. It doesn’t discriminate and it won’t give you an argument. If your core beliefs are negative, then you will attract just that. If they’re positive, then you’ll attract just that. This law is constant and never changing. This is how the physical world operates. Your life as you live it, right this very second, is the manifestation of what your subconscious believes. It’s what you believe about yourself and about your life that governs what you’re attracting. So if you were a heavy kid who was constantly ridiculed and made fun of, who didn’t have friends because of your weight, then I can bet that your subconscious belief about yourself is that you’re a fat, no-good loser, who will never be thin and successful. Don’t believe me? The proof is in how you’re living your life. If you’ve been practicing The Secret and still haven’t lost weight, then something is holding back the progress. Your outter life is the result of what your subconscious is dictating–EVERY TIME, EVERY DAY, ALL DAY, NO EXCEPTIONS—EVER.

Now, I know there are hundreds of books, lectures, seminars, and courses that teach the tricks of the trade to get you to manifest your desires more quickly and easily. They want you to pay big money to learn what is inherent in each of you. You each hold the knowledge and key to healing yourselves and to reaching your goals and dreams. So why are these gurus making billions of dollars? Because they know the deal and are dangling the carrot in front of your noses, desperately trying to get you to buy their products. I’m all for making money; we have to have money. But here’s what gets me: people across the world need help. We need each other. If I can help you change your life, I’m going to, without charging you. I’m a writer and I write books. Yes, I want to make money off my books. That’s my career. And if I’m writing fiction or truth, I’m giving you my all–no holds bar. But claiming that you’re trying to help people, and are only giving them PART OF THE CURE, well, to me, that’s equivelent to foreplay without the main event. We need help from people who truly want to help us. I know that these gurus want to make their money, but they should be telling you everything . . . all the words, all the key points, not just a piece of the puzzle, leaving you wondering what you’re doing wrong.

Listen, you’re not doing anything wrong. All you need to do is start digging into your life. Begin by being honest with yourself about how you really feel about life and about yourself. Write it down and really examine it. When you unmask the truths about how you feel about money, success, love, and your body, then you can begin to change these negative core beliefs with positive affirmations and meditations that will reprogram those damaging negative beliefs into constructive positive beliefs. And when you begin to change your core beliefs, which nine out of ten times aren’t true, which were planted by circumstances and good meaning parents, you can then start the process of deliberate intention of manifesting good things.

You’ve been searching for answers everywhere. You’ve spent countless hours online, looking at web sites that are trying to sell you their products. You click on the site, and then scroll through five pages of promises, only to have you hanging at the end. They don’t divulge the answers. So you buy the product and are still left with questions. Don’t you find it amazing how all these gurus are coming out of the woodwork promising you that they know what The Secret didn’t tell you? And most of these gurus were mentioned in The Secret! Why didn’t they tell us everything in the book?

Listen, please. This is coming from my heart. Deliberate manifestation will not work if what you’re wishing for is going against what you believe deep inside. I repeat: THE LAW OF ATTRACTION WILL NOT WORK, IT WILL NOT WORK, NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, IF YOUR WISHES ARE GOING AGAINST WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF.

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What Does God Look Like ?

I believe this is a question that’s been asked by every human who every lived; but I don’t believe the same answer is shared by all. What does God look like?

I went to catholic school, and during those years, God was always referred to as He, and when a ‘He’ is mentioned, the first image that crops into my head is a boy or a man. So throughout my life, I’ve always pictured God to be a man.  The image of Him was simple–a man wearing a white flowing robe, perched high on a glowing cloud, surrounded by angels playing mellifluous melodies on trumpets.

Then as I got older, the image of Him changed. He was still a He, but there wasn’t a cloud, nor any angels. It was just Him. Then during a very traumatic time, His image went from being a tall man in a white robe to just His head. And I know that sounds blasphemous in a way, despite my intention.

Today, if you asked me to explain what God looks like, I couldn’t. Because in my head, He’s a he who’s not a he, but can become a he if he wants to. To me, He’s an encompassing swirl of energy that has conscience. Picture the wind. We can’t see it, yet we can feel it; it’s all around us. That’s how I picture God. Pure intelligence who is vaporous; who is ethereal; yet who could change form any time.

God is every particle of every atom of every existence, and that’s just in the physical world. I can’t even begin to fathom what He is outside of this realm.

What does God look like to you? I’m just so curious.

Laughing your ass off raises your vibration

picture property of Nasa

Okay, so this is going to be a little long. But trust me. It’ll be worth it.

It’s been a while since we chatted, but I’ve been so busy writing my new novel that I just didn’t have the time to come around. And we all know that I can’t bang out quality work if I’m blogging. Or talking. Or chewing gum. Not me. I have to isolate myself until I’m done. And now that I’m done and searching for an agent, I’ve resumed my studies on the subconscious mind and metaphysics, and fine-tuned it to include the laws of attraction, the laws of energy forces, the power of positive thinking, and of course, praying and its correlation to reprogramming the subconscious. Oh, and let’s not forget tapping and doing the healing codes.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, what the heck is Val talking about? I realize that I’ve just mentioned quite a few things, but they’re extremely important things that will help you better your lives and elevate your consciousness to achieve any goal or desire that you have.

Taking this a step further—the reason I’m writing this is to clarify the term “raising your vibration”.

If you’ve been studying the law of attraction, and if you’ve been reading all the books written about it, and if you’ve been buying every audio and attending every seminar concerning it, and you still don’t understand what it means to raise your vibration in order to attract your desires, then you’ve come to the right place. I’m going to explain what the gurus didn’t. I’m going to break it down in simple terms using simple examples, and when I’m done, you’re going to say, damn, is that what it is?

Okay, so here we go. In terms that all humans can understand: to raise your vibration simply means getting in a better mood. Now you may be thinking that it’s not easy to get into a better mood. And you may be wondering what does getting in a better mood have to do with raising your vibration? And you may even be wondering, what the heck is a vibration? So I’m going to explain it in basic rudimentary terms and when I’m done, trust me, you will understand this.

So, scientists have confirmed that the universe is made of energy. This includes everything from our thoughts, to rocks, vegetation, plant life, water, the animal kingdom, and our physical bodies. After the studies were considered absolute, it was then discovered that each element of existence vibrates. Yes, vibrates. Energy not only swirls, it vibrates. And it vibrates on different levels. And science has proven that energy will attract and be drawn to other energy that vibrates on its same level. Here’s an analogy. A dog whistle can only be heard by dogs. When the whistle is blown, it vibrates between 23 and 54 Hz, too high for humans to hear. It’s out of our vibration frequency, but not for a dog, whose frequency is in tune with the frequency of the whistle.

Taking it a little further. Again, this is just an example. A magnate will attract particles that vibrate at its level; such as particles that are equal in composition and vibration. Now I know that I’m simplifying this, but it’s to get my point across. It’s weird to think of life as nothing more than a series of vibrations, but this is what it actually boils down to. If you can wrap your mind around the possibility that all of life literally vibrates, and that the vibration of energy will attract its equivalent, then you’ll get this.

Under high powered microscopes, we can see atoms vibrating; and since everything in the universe is made of atoms, everything vibrates. Why things vibrate at different levels is another story for another time. For now, let’s just stick with the fact that all of life vibrates.

If energy vibrates and attracts situations, events, and people that vibrate on its level, then the question to ask is: how can we tell what our energy vibration level is? We want to know this answer because if we’re vibrating at a low level, we’re attracting things that are matching our vibration equivalent. And I’m referring to people and situations. How can we tell what we’re attracting? Simple. Just look around you. Just look at your home life, your work life, your love life, and your finances. Most people think that life is just a series of random circumstances in which they have no control, but it’s not. There aren’t any random situations. There are no coincidences. There’s nothing that happens by chance. Everything is drawn to us through our thoughts and beliefs, which attract situations and people who are vibrating at our level of thinking. So it’s like this: Let’s say you’re in a bad mood, for whatever reason. You’re thinking miserable thoughts. You hate the world. You hate yourself. You hate your job. Life sucks. Right here in this example, you’re vibrating at a low level. Studies have shown that when you’re negative, the vibration is extremely low; therefore, you’re going to attract other negative people and situations and health issues that resonate with your energy vibration. . . even things such as car accidents. How? If you’re in your car and you’re in a bad mood, your vibration is extremely low and it’s attracting other people who are in a bad mood or who are matching your vibration. Two people in a bad mood, driving down the road, can produce an accident—without a doubt. Are you with me? You are energy, and as energy, you vibrate, and when you vibrate, the universal law of physics states that you will attract any energy matching your vibration level—good or bad. So how do we fix this? How do we raise our vibration? You’re going to shake your head when you hear this. Again—the books don’t break it down like this. The gurus omit these simple details because they want to make money. But I want to help. And when I get a revelation like this, I’m going to share it. So here we go.

The gurus say that to raise your vibration, you must meditate, do visualization exercises, or listen to stimulating music. But, if you’re in a bad mood, how do you sit down and try to get in a good mood? If you’re in a bad mood, how do you visualize being in a good mood? You can’t. Your vibration is too low. It will take too much effort and the result will be frustration. But there is something that you can do, that you’ve been doing, that will absolutely get you mentally “there”. If you want to get your vibration up, just get in a better mood. How? Listen closely. What I’m going to tell you works. I’ve done it and have beaten agoraphobia by doing it. I’ll start by giving you examples.

Let’s say that you had a date and the date went well. You really like this person and can’t wait for them to call for a second date. Every day, you wait to get this call. By the end of the week, you’re miserable. The person hasn’t called you. You’re pouting. You’re nasty to everyone. You hate the world. Basically, you’re in a bad mood. Then, out of nowhere, the phone rings and it’s him. Suddenly, like magic, you’re on top of the world. All your misery has magically disappeared, as if someone flipped a switch in your brain. To make you see a clearer picture: your sudden happy mood has instantaneously raised your vibration to a higher level, and when it’s at a higher level and stays at that level, you’ll begin to attract things that are your vibrational match. You’ll draw good things to you such as raises or promotions or you’ll make more friends or get more dates. Life suddenly seems so great, doesn’t it? All from one little phone call.
If one phone call can get you in a great mood and raise your vibration level, that means that you can do it all on your own. How? Keep reading. I’m going to give you another example so that you will completely understand where I’m going with this.

Let’s say you wake up in a bad mood. Let’s say the night before you broke up with your boyfriend or had a big fight with a friend or got hit with a big bill that needs to be paid. Whatever your reason, you’re in a really bad mood. Now, you go to work. You’re quiet. You’re nasty. You’re barking at co-workers. Then, someone enters the room and they trip and fall. Everyone around you starts to giggle. And deep in your gut it was truly funny to see this person trip and fall. You have to admit that you want to laugh. And you finally tell yourself that you’re going to laugh, despite being mad at life. And then you begin to laugh. And when you do, you’re laughing and enjoying, and your brain is doing its thing; the neurotransmitter, dopamine, is being released and good stuff begins to happen. Soon, after the laughter dies down, you find that you still have a smile on your face and now you’re mood isn’t so sullen. You feel a little better, and suddenly your problems seem small. You can handle things. Has this ever happened to you? I know it has. Here’s what happens when we laugh. Endorphins are released, which put us in a calm state of mind. Laughter is the way to raise your vibration. If you can find ways to laugh, you’re going to always raise your vibration. The more you laugh at life, the happier you are. The happier you are, the higher your vibration. The higher your vibration, the more you attract good things, and so on. It’s the only way to raise your vibration. Once you understand this and deliberately set out to get happy, you’re on your way. You can then do those visual manifestation exercises that the gurus mention. But by then, you won’t have to.

When you’re in a seriously bad mood, turn on a comedy show. Tell a friend to tell you some jokes. Try to rehash some funny incident. Before long, you’ll be laughing, and once that starts, you’ll be raising your vibration level. Check out David Hawkins, if you want to learn more about vibration levels.

You can do this. It’s not a secret. Don’t let anyone sell you a line of bs. You were made with all the right stuff. You only needed someone to point it out to you.

Okay, I was thinking . . .

Yes, I was thinking.  Now don’t roll your eyes at me. All I want is for you to just hear me out. Okay?  So . . .

Every element of life is made of energy; and this includes humans and their thoughts. Energy exists in two states: the positive charge and the negative charge. The reason for this is to provide balance.
Now, the universe is dictated by balance; therefore, being at zero would make all things neutral. It would look something like this.

                                                Positive             neutral             Negative

                                       +1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9          0           -1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

I believe that everything in life must be balanced at “zero” to sustain existence in the physical world. What that means is that if too much negative charge is placed on a cell, it will falter into destruction and die off sooner than it should. If too much positive energy is placed on a cell, the result will be the same. So, there must always be a balance, which simply means that all living matter must sustain a “zero” or neutral state to stay healthy and alive.

To take this a step further . . .

Scientists know that to utilize electricity there must be the right amount of negative and positive charge to make it work. People who own pools must use a PH chemical to balance the acid level in the water. When the PH chemical is added to the pool water, it’s balancing the alkaline level to a “zero” state.  Another way to look at it: many electronics run on batteries. If the battery doesn’t get enough positive energy stored into it, it dies. We know that to bring it to life, we must charge it, and by charging it, it is absorbing the opposite energy flow. We are bringing it back to life by putting the battery at a “zero” balance.

So I’m thinking that if all of life is energy, then that means that every cell is affected. Now, we know that our thoughts are pure energy. Stay with me on this. How do our bodies stay alive? What is governing our cells to sustain life? What is causing our cells to react? This may be debatable, but I know that our thoughts are controlling the cells in our bodies.  Our inner self, or God, combined with the brain, is what keeps our bodies alive. We communicate with God and with our inner self through the state of consciousness. When we’re conscious, we think; and when we think, we generate a ton of energy. And if thoughts are pure energy and control our cells, then a negative producing thought will literally overcharge our cells with a negative charge. In time, that will render the body into illness. It will also render our lives into disaster, because energy attracts the same energy. Now, if we know that our negative thoughts are affecting our cells with negative charge, then we can switch our thoughts to a nicer feeling thought to reverse the process. Doing this for several days will charge the cell and keep it going—or put it at a balanced state. So, can it be as easy as that?

Here’s what came to me. When I don’t feel good, it’s my body’s way of telling me that I’ve let my negative thinking go on for too long and now I’m paying the price. The symptoms are there so that I can take the action to fix them. If we can take 15 minutes, three times a day, and visualize ourselves plugging our bodies into a monster-sized electrical outlet, and recharging it, can we bring healing into our bodies?  At the same time, if we stop thinking negatively, and put a positive spin on our thoughts, will it begin to reverse the cells energy and bring them into balance?

If healing ourselves is really that simple, and something tells me that it is, then why haven’t the scientists figured this out? They already know that the universe is pure energy, and that to sustain it, there must always be balance. Too much of anything in either direction causes disaster. So, it’s crucial for us to make the effort to learn about what we are and what we’re made of. Not many people take the time to figure out why they’re here, let alone to figure out the answers to the other questions. But if people could just understand that life is about balance, and that balance is a must to sustain good mental and physical health, then that’s when the healing would begin.

 We make the effort to balance our waters, and our food systems, and our atmosphere. Why haven’t scientists figured out that the human body is no different than any of these systems? If we know that our cells are affected by our thoughts, then we have to choose our thoughts very carefully so that we can stay balanced!

I don’t know about you, but it makes total sense to me.

I Lived Two Centuries Ago

I could see from where I was standing that the sun was just peeking over the water’s horizon. It looked as though a blaze of orange was emerging from the ocean; almost as if God was pulling it up by invisible strings. 
The smell of the salty, warm sea air, as I breathed in deeply, reminded me of when I was a little girl, when my family used to have picnics on the shores of Long Island. No memory could compare to those days of freedom; nothing could come close to the feeling of the security that I felt when I was with my mother and father. 

I poured myself a cup of freshly brewed coffee, and let the screen door slam behind me as I proceeded to walk onto the beach. There wasn’t anyone around but me; the silence was welcomed, even in spite of the ocean’s roar. It was as if it was saying something to me; taunting me with each rush it made to the shoreline. I took a sip of my coffee and reveled in its hazelnut sweetness, and thanked God to be having the experience that I was having at that precise moment.

The sky was violet; I say violet to emphasize the clarity of its blueness. White formations floated above, making me think that something as beautiful as this could only be appreciated when you appreciate life—when you step away and let yourself be. My dreams are like the clouds—forever and ethereal, and they remind me that I am more than this space that I occupy.


Closing my eyes, and letting myself be, allows me to align with Him; my thoughts are of pureness and deep revelation; a contentment which goes deeper than any gratification could offer. It’s a freedom from this world. It’s a flight of my senses that goes beyond fleshly recognition.

I began to walk; my feet sinking deeply with each step I took. Seashells stared up at me, begging for my attention. The tiny, white ones were the ones that I picked up because the sun had made them glisten, like tiny diamonds. Nowhere in my world is there a place as perfect as this. A lifetime ago made itself known, just as it always does. The memory never leaves me when I set my imagination and soul free from these prison walls called now. 

A black and yellow butterfly graciously floats past me, and then lands on the sand a few feet ahead. And as I get closer to it, it lifts off in slow motion and gently brushes against my arm. Seagulls fly above; their cries bring me back to that time, and again, I can’t remember when that was. I only know that I was there and that I would never forget it.

My soul will never be complete. It hungers for yesterday and begs for tomorrow. It searches for newness, yet seeks the comfort of familiarity. Gin Lane is where I once lived over two centuries ago.

 

This is a MUST, if you want to get your health back

Forgiving isn’t easy. In fact, it’s probably one of the hardest things to do. When someone has lashed out at us, or betrayed us, we get this anger that rushes through our bodies and into our heads, and the first thing we think is that we’ll never talk to that person again. Isn’t that the truth? So we harbor this resentment, and keep our anger towards this person in the forefront of our minds; after all, we have the right to be pissed at this person, and we have every right to show it. Don’t we? How dare they betray us! How dare they say those horrible things! We’re going to stay mad at them, and we’re not giving in. And we’re going to tell everyone we know about what this person had done to us and how they’ve ruined our lives. And we’re going to let it fester, and bubble, and grow, until it’s the biggest event since the birth of Jesus. AND WE WON’T CAVE! WE HAVE OUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO STAY PISSED.
I know that anyone reading this has been there and done that. So here’s the deal. I’m going to break this down and hopefully dissect this so that you can understand why forgiving is the best thing you can do for yourself. Yes, for you–not for the person who has hurt you.

I always thought that forgiving someone would let the other person off the hook–that the person would think that whatever they had done was no big deal and that they had gotten away with hurting me. And this was my belief for most of my life. And when someone hurt me, I kept that anger alive and held onto it for years. But several years ago, when my connection to the other side was made, I was shown the truth about what happens to our minds, bodies, and to our lives when we don’t forgive.
Anger serves a purpose. It tells us that we’re off track with who we are. It tells us that someone invaded our right to be right. It tells us that someone humiliated us–disregarded our feelings–without caring. But why do we get so angry? Cheating, abandonment, and betrayals are big offenses towards the ego. When it happens to us, we’re crushed. And we’re supposed to feel the anger. Our anger was given to us as a guide. We’re supposed to acknowledge it, question why we’re so offended and hurt, and then let it go. But why?

Anger means that someone stepped into our egotistical space and challenged us. If you’ve studied the ego, you’ll learn that our ego wants to play the role of God, here on earth. It believes that it has full control. But it’s a facade. Ego is a defense mechanism, and according to the way we were raised and according to our core beliefs, the ego’s job is to protect our beliefs—regardless if our beliefs are on or off the actual truth. So when someone invades our ego’s space and does something that we have no control over, we torment ourselves because we can’t believe that we weren’t clever enough or intelligent enough to catch-on to the betrayal. We can’t get over the idea that another person would think that we weren’t good enough. But here’s the catch. Now listen very carefully. When someone does something to hurt you, it’s not you who they are attacking. It’s not about you–ever. They are thinking of themselves and what’s good for them. It’s their ego that is feeling crushed or bruised, and so, they will do whatever they have to do to repair it; and nine times out of ten that means seeking immediate gratification to boost the way they feel, regardless of who they’re hurting. It’s not about you. It’s never about you. It’s always about the other person. So it’s like a chain reaction. Each human is out for themselves. Yes! It’s a fact. No matter how you slice and dice it, the bottom line is that each human puts their needs first. They have to. It’s the way the physical world was created.

Now, when we don’t forgive, it affect our bodies and our minds. It causes mental and physical ailments. It’s been proven. Anger causes heart attacks, cancers, back aches, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and the list is endless. So listen. If you understand what anger does to you, why keep it? You want to feel good every day of your life. You want to be happy and healthy. You want to live your one life the way it was meant to live. You come first in the eye of God. It’s your God-given birth right to create a spectacular life for yourself by learning about who you are and how you can pick and choose what’s best for you. Listen up. You can choose to not let someone’s betrayal affect you. It’s a choice. And it’s a great thing to be able to choose to let it go or not let it go. By letting it go, and understanding that people are people doing whatever they have to do to get through the day, then you’ll understand that it’s never about you. It’s always about them. And if you really think about it, even you do what you have to do–every single time. You may think that you’re being unselfish by putting someone’s needs first, but deep down, you’re putting someone’s needs first because you want them to like you. This is deep. This is huge. This is worth learning and accepting. When you learn about who you are and why you are and why you’re here, you can learn to forgive. Let the anger go. It’s never really about you. It may seem that it is, but it’s the other person’s insecurities than drive them to do what they do. You were just in the way of the bullet. Let it go. Look to God and He’ll show you the way. I swear this to you. Dissect your anger and learn the reason why you’re really mad and then ask God to help you. Do it for you, because you come first, and because you’re worth it.

Read Master of the Realm if you want to read a story of hurts and betrayals. If I can forgive, you can forgive.

A journal confession: I’m going to end up alone

I found out that God knows how to bring it on. Doesn’t he? He gives me whatever lessons I need the most, and he keeps bringing it until I finally get it. I’m a thick-headed girl—always have been. But once I grasp the concept of something that is being shown to me, I usually get it. However, there are times when I don’t get it because it’s the other idiosyncrasies that I possess that give me trouble. When I take all of my idiosyncrasies into consideration, I realize that it’s more than one tiny thing that I have to work on, concerning my personality. It’s a series of malfunctions in my perception, which I must take one by one, analyze, and then yank them out from my core beliefs. Do you know what I’m saying? I can’t blame my inner feelings on just one particular thing. It’s never just one thing, is it? It’s a cluster of things that lead up to the ‘thing’ that eats at us. And this is what people don’t understand. When people have issues, they think it’s the ‘issue’ giving them trouble when it’s really their core beliefs. All of our experiences have formulated our beliefs. And even though we experience events, it doesn’t make our beliefs accurate. Because once again, perception can be faulty due to upbringing. Yikes! I’m turning Freud-a-neeza

During the day, I feel isolated. In order to write, I have to stay by myself. I speak to my sister and the BF for a brief moment or two, but it doesn’t make me feel any less alone. I don’t have anyone to share my thoughts with. I only have my laptop who doesn’t know how to answer me back. Not too many people I know are into paranormal psychology and metaphysics. The sister doesn’t understand it, and the BF just stares at me like I have four heads. So I know the feeling of loneliness. You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. I know this first hand.

For many years, I believed that I would be alone. I believed it was my fate to not have anyone to love me. I didn’t connect with guys. I dated them, but it wasn’t real. Nothing lasted. A date or two was as far as it would go because either I didn’t like the guy, or the guy didn’t like me.
And I stayed alone for many years. I gave up dating. I couldn’t be bothered with the head games–so I just turned down dates and stayed by myself. I was tired of reaching out and nobody being there, and this included friendships, as well. If anyone knows what it feels like to believe that they are meant to be alone, it’s me. Even now, I believe that I’m meant to be alone. I don’t understand why I don’t have many friends. I have online friends, but nobody here to talk to face to face. I have two close friends who live out-of-state, but they’re out-of-state.

My parents were loners, and I want to break that mold. I don’t want to follow in their genetic isolation path. I want friends, but I refuse to be anything other than what I am to have them. I’m different, and I know this. I’ve always known that I’m different. People tend to back away from me, and yet, they tell me that I fascinate them. I don’t get it. Maybe it’s my face or my look, or the way I command myself that intimidates others? But this is me, and I like me. I like me because I know that I am loving and gentle–and others would know this too, if they would take the time to look past my exterior.

You are the same as me. You want to come home to someone who you can connect with on many levels. You want to experience love and lust, and laughter and goofiness, and you want to share intimate secrets and beliefs about life and God. Yes, I know exactly what you want, and it will happen, however it will happen, and with whomever it will happen with. Just keep the faith. A person such as yourself is a gift to the person who is waiting for you. But maybe you have closed yourself up, and you’re not letting love flow in, just as I’m not letting my fame flow in, due to the fear of it. Think about that. We say we know what we want, but when we think about it too closely and examine it, we close our minds because we think it’s not going to happen, and that thought in and of itself is very scary. Yes, no? Is it possible that we are pinching ourselves off from what we want because we’re afraid of not getting it or because we’re afraid that we actually might get it?