Step Away From the Chocolate

Various types of chocolate.

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I had a bad week. You know those types of weeks: the ones where anything and everything can go wrong—the type of week where if you can imagine it happening, it will?  Well, for the sake of keeping this story short, I’ll just state for the record, it was a bad week.

Now, if you’re anything like me, when you’ve had a bad week, or a bad day, or are feeling down, lonely, or unappreciated, the first thing you’ll do is head over to any store, preferrably one that’s very close, and buy a bag, or box, of chocolates. For me, it has to be milk chocolate, with the exception of York peppermint patties, and it could be ANY BRAND OF CHOCOLATE. Hersheys, Godiver, doesn’t matter. In fact, let me go and get the box that I’m currently pigging out on. Be right back.

Okay, I’m back. So I was thinking. Why chocolate? Why do we go to chocolate when we need comfort? I know it tastes rich, sweet, and creamy. I know it releases endorphines, which calm us. But why do we eat so much of it? Read this to find out why.

The other day, after one of my numerous incidences, I jumped into my Mentley and headed over to Target and bought the king-size bag of York peppermint patties. I didn’t even get in my car when I ripped open the bag and popped four of them into my mouth. Talk about eyeballs rolling to the back of your head. Wooooo—wee. Those little patties are to die for. Of course, once I got home and tried to eat another one, my boyfriend came into the kitchen, watched me for several seconds, and then yelled, “Step away from the Yorks! I repeat. Step away from the Yorks!”

Damn it. Busted.

They can make a pill for every ailment. They should definitely make one for chocolate addiction.


Black Friday is a plot, I tellya

Black Friday. Why is the Friday after Thanksgiving called that? Why didn’t they name it Red Friday or Shop-till-you-drop Friday? Does anyone know? Well, I know. The Friday after Thanksgiving, and all the super-duper discounts that the retailers are giving, is a plot. That’s right. It’s nothing more than a psychological plot created by the retailers to ensure that they stay out of the red. Seriously. Are we that naive? The retailers should be giving us these so-called miraculous discounts throughout the year. Maybe if they did, they wouldn’t panic at the end of the year.
They give these tremendous, hurry-to-the-mall, discounts because they’re clearing out all their inventory for the year. In other words, they’re desperate to show an increase on their ledger sheets; whereby, keeping their books in ‘the black’ instead of being in the ‘red’. Get it? They named the Friday after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, as a symbol for staying profitable. Clever. Yes. Now I see. Maybe everyone knows this and I’m the last one to figure it out, but just in case you didn’t know it, now you do.

They have to get up prit-ty early in the morning to get over on this chickie. Hey, wait. They did.