This is a MUST, if you want to get your health back

Forgiving isn’t easy. In fact, it’s probably one of the hardest things to do. When someone has lashed out at us, or betrayed us, we get this anger that rushes through our bodies and into our heads, and the first thing we think is that we’ll never talk to that person again. Isn’t that the truth? So we harbor this resentment, and keep our anger towards this person in the forefront of our minds; after all, we have the right to be pissed at this person, and we have every right to show it. Don’t we? How dare they betray us! How dare they say those horrible things! We’re going to stay mad at them, and we’re not giving in. And we’re going to tell everyone we know about what this person had done to us and how they’ve ruined our lives. And we’re going to let it fester, and bubble, and grow, until it’s the biggest event since the birth of Jesus. AND WE WON’T CAVE! WE HAVE OUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO STAY PISSED.
I know that anyone reading this has been there and done that. So here’s the deal. I’m going to break this down and hopefully dissect this so that you can understand why forgiving is the best thing you can do for yourself. Yes, for you–not for the person who has hurt you.

I always thought that forgiving someone would let the other person off the hook–that the person would think that whatever they had done was no big deal and that they had gotten away with hurting me. And this was my belief for most of my life. And when someone hurt me, I kept that anger alive and held onto it for years. But several years ago, when my connection to the other side was made, I was shown the truth about what happens to our minds, bodies, and to our lives when we don’t forgive.
Anger serves a purpose. It tells us that we’re off track with who we are. It tells us that someone invaded our right to be right. It tells us that someone humiliated us–disregarded our feelings–without caring. But why do we get so angry? Cheating, abandonment, and betrayals are big offenses towards the ego. When it happens to us, we’re crushed. And we’re supposed to feel the anger. Our anger was given to us as a guide. We’re supposed to acknowledge it, question why we’re so offended and hurt, and then let it go. But why?

Anger means that someone stepped into our egotistical space and challenged us. If you’ve studied the ego, you’ll learn that our ego wants to play the role of God, here on earth. It believes that it has full control. But it’s a facade. Ego is a defense mechanism, and according to the way we were raised and according to our core beliefs, the ego’s job is to protect our beliefs—regardless if our beliefs are on or off the actual truth. So when someone invades our ego’s space and does something that we have no control over, we torment ourselves because we can’t believe that we weren’t clever enough or intelligent enough to catch-on to the betrayal. We can’t get over the idea that another person would think that we weren’t good enough. But here’s the catch. Now listen very carefully. When someone does something to hurt you, it’s not you who they are attacking. It’s not about you–ever. They are thinking of themselves and what’s good for them. It’s their ego that is feeling crushed or bruised, and so, they will do whatever they have to do to repair it; and nine times out of ten that means seeking immediate gratification to boost the way they feel, regardless of who they’re hurting. It’s not about you. It’s never about you. It’s always about the other person. So it’s like a chain reaction. Each human is out for themselves. Yes! It’s a fact. No matter how you slice and dice it, the bottom line is that each human puts their needs first. They have to. It’s the way the physical world was created.

Now, when we don’t forgive, it affect our bodies and our minds. It causes mental and physical ailments. It’s been proven. Anger causes heart attacks, cancers, back aches, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and the list is endless. So listen. If you understand what anger does to you, why keep it? You want to feel good every day of your life. You want to be happy and healthy. You want to live your one life the way it was meant to live. You come first in the eye of God. It’s your God-given birth right to create a spectacular life for yourself by learning about who you are and how you can pick and choose what’s best for you. Listen up. You can choose to not let someone’s betrayal affect you. It’s a choice. And it’s a great thing to be able to choose to let it go or not let it go. By letting it go, and understanding that people are people doing whatever they have to do to get through the day, then you’ll understand that it’s never about you. It’s always about them. And if you really think about it, even you do what you have to do–every single time. You may think that you’re being unselfish by putting someone’s needs first, but deep down, you’re putting someone’s needs first because you want them to like you. This is deep. This is huge. This is worth learning and accepting. When you learn about who you are and why you are and why you’re here, you can learn to forgive. Let the anger go. It’s never really about you. It may seem that it is, but it’s the other person’s insecurities than drive them to do what they do. You were just in the way of the bullet. Let it go. Look to God and He’ll show you the way. I swear this to you. Dissect your anger and learn the reason why you’re really mad and then ask God to help you. Do it for you, because you come first, and because you’re worth it.

Read Master of the Realm if you want to read a story of hurts and betrayals. If I can forgive, you can forgive.


A journal confession: I’m going to end up alone

I found out that God knows how to bring it on. Doesn’t he? He gives me whatever lessons I need the most, and he keeps bringing it until I finally get it. I’m a thick-headed girl—always have been. But once I grasp the concept of something that is being shown to me, I usually get it. However, there are times when I don’t get it because it’s the other idiosyncrasies that I possess that give me trouble. When I take all of my idiosyncrasies into consideration, I realize that it’s more than one tiny thing that I have to work on, concerning my personality. It’s a series of malfunctions in my perception, which I must take one by one, analyze, and then yank them out from my core beliefs. Do you know what I’m saying? I can’t blame my inner feelings on just one particular thing. It’s never just one thing, is it? It’s a cluster of things that lead up to the ‘thing’ that eats at us. And this is what people don’t understand. When people have issues, they think it’s the ‘issue’ giving them trouble when it’s really their core beliefs. All of our experiences have formulated our beliefs. And even though we experience events, it doesn’t make our beliefs accurate. Because once again, perception can be faulty due to upbringing. Yikes! I’m turning Freud-a-neeza

During the day, I feel isolated. In order to write, I have to stay by myself. I speak to my sister and the BF for a brief moment or two, but it doesn’t make me feel any less alone. I don’t have anyone to share my thoughts with. I only have my laptop who doesn’t know how to answer me back. Not too many people I know are into paranormal psychology and metaphysics. The sister doesn’t understand it, and the BF just stares at me like I have four heads. So I know the feeling of loneliness. You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. I know this first hand.

For many years, I believed that I would be alone. I believed it was my fate to not have anyone to love me. I didn’t connect with guys. I dated them, but it wasn’t real. Nothing lasted. A date or two was as far as it would go because either I didn’t like the guy, or the guy didn’t like me.
And I stayed alone for many years. I gave up dating. I couldn’t be bothered with the head games–so I just turned down dates and stayed by myself. I was tired of reaching out and nobody being there, and this included friendships, as well. If anyone knows what it feels like to believe that they are meant to be alone, it’s me. Even now, I believe that I’m meant to be alone. I don’t understand why I don’t have many friends. I have online friends, but nobody here to talk to face to face. I have two close friends who live out-of-state, but they’re out-of-state.

My parents were loners, and I want to break that mold. I don’t want to follow in their genetic isolation path. I want friends, but I refuse to be anything other than what I am to have them. I’m different, and I know this. I’ve always known that I’m different. People tend to back away from me, and yet, they tell me that I fascinate them. I don’t get it. Maybe it’s my face or my look, or the way I command myself that intimidates others? But this is me, and I like me. I like me because I know that I am loving and gentle–and others would know this too, if they would take the time to look past my exterior.

You are the same as me. You want to come home to someone who you can connect with on many levels. You want to experience love and lust, and laughter and goofiness, and you want to share intimate secrets and beliefs about life and God. Yes, I know exactly what you want, and it will happen, however it will happen, and with whomever it will happen with. Just keep the faith. A person such as yourself is a gift to the person who is waiting for you. But maybe you have closed yourself up, and you’re not letting love flow in, just as I’m not letting my fame flow in, due to the fear of it. Think about that. We say we know what we want, but when we think about it too closely and examine it, we close our minds because we think it’s not going to happen, and that thought in and of itself is very scary. Yes, no? Is it possible that we are pinching ourselves off from what we want because we’re afraid of not getting it or because we’re afraid that we actually might get it?

I’m a Black Sheep and I Don’t Care by Valentine deFrancis

I don’t fit in. Yep, that’s right. I don’t. I never did.¬†I was always different. I was always the outcast–the quiet one–the one who didn’t have much to say. Yep, that was me and still is. Ask me if I care. Ask me if I ever really cared. Go on. Ask me.

Growing up, I walked to my own beat. I wanted friends but they didn’t want me. I wanted to fit in, but for some reason, I just didn’t. It mattered back then. It mattered most of my life. But I was different you see. There was something about my personality that people backed away from. Maybe it was my independence or my “I can take it or leave it” attitude. But whatever it was, I just didn’t fit in. And it hurt, a little. And I wanted to fit in, but no matter what I did, it didn’t work. I was an outcast. I was the black sheep. But you know what I found out about being the outcast or the black sheep? I stayed true to myself. I remained who I was, in spite of not being a part of the group. Yes, it hurt me, and there were times that I tried to fit in–changing my ways to please the crowd, but it never lasted simply because it wasn’t my real self. And so, I never did fit in. But let me tell you what ultimately became of not fitting in.

I’ve learned, the hard way, that walking to my own beat, and being my weird self, has made me “an example”. People look at me now and are drawn to my unique God-given personality. They are curious at how I can be so free, and they want to know all about how I can walk to my own beat. They admire my ability to dress differently, and they are whispering to each other “how does she do that?” I guess you can say that my uniqueness is now considered edgy and interesting, and therefore, I’m setting the trend. Conceited you think? Nah. Just honest. So did I mention that I’m a black sheep? Yep. I am. And I ain’t changing for anyone.

Look deep and be what you feel comfortable being. You don’t have to fit in to be happy. Most of the world’s greatest artists, muscians, writers and thinkers were considered black sheep. They were considered weird, and yes, people made fun of them and snickered behind their backs. Look at these famous people now. They’ve set the trends that most humans follow. Yep, these black sheep are now icons.

It’s okay to be different. In fact, if you are, you are trendsetters. You are wonderful, loving, specimens of spiritual self. Don’t change. Just be who you really are and then trust me on this . . . you will set the trend!

©valentine defrancis. all rights reserved