Fridays and Fios

Well, I did it. I finally found a new apartment and moved in over the last couple of days. It was grueling. It was stressful. But did I mention that it was smelly? Oh, I didn’t? Then let me mention it now. I had a smelly move. I shall elaborate. I had Verizon’s Fios Triple Play installed in my new place on Tuesday. The Verizon guy came on time and was very nice. He was courteous and helpful, and knew his stuff. But he was a tad smelly. Now don’t get all mad at me for saying this. He worked his butt off for hours, and I tipped him for his hard work, but that didn’t take away his smelliness. I mean seriously folks. I can only hold my breath for so long before I’m gonna pass out. He was so smelly that I had to open every window in my apartment, and may I remind you that it’s mucho frio here in New York. I was walking around wearing a hat and mittens. He didn’t seem to notice that I was geared up for a blizzard. In fact, when he went to show me how to use the remote with all its little gadgets, he never once mentioned that I looked a bit odd pressing the buttons with mittens on. Oh well. White Castle anyone?

So I told you about the guy in The Deppa? The one who exposed his ass crack while he was bending? Well wait till you hear this one. I was in my car trying to find a parking spot near my bank, when I saw a young man coming out of Sears and walking towards his car. He was wearing his jeans very low–down by his ass-cheeks, low. You know how they wear them, right? Well, he had those bad boys so low that when I noticed him, I was hoping that they would fall. Now don’t give me the tsk, tsk, shame on you Val speech. I know you feel the same way. But here’s the best part . . . they fell to his knees. Yep they did, and I almost crashed the Mentley–that’s my new word for my Toyota which I dreamily pretend is a mini Bentley–get it? Mini and Bentley = Mentley. Anyway, when I saw his pants fall to his knees, I almost lost control of the wheel. I screamed so loud that they heard me in Perth Amboy, New Jersey. Homie was in shock. He dropped what he was holding and looked around as he picked them up–probably hoping that nobody saw him, but helloooo? This was at the mall, people. On Black Friday, people. Do you think anyone saw him? hahahahahaha. Ohmygosh!

So did I tell you that my new landlords are I-talians? I didn’t? Gosh, what’s wrong with me lately? Yes. They are I-talians. And not just any I-talians. They are from the other side, I-talians. They have fruit trees in their back yard. Did you hear me? Fruit trees. In the city. Hello? They have fig trees, olive trees, peach trees, and something that I’ve never heard of. They grow all their own veggies, and they make their own wine. They are the cutest little couple you would want to meet, and I am lucky to know them.
Today, I rang their bell to tell them something, and I left with a cantaloupe. Can you believe that? They had gone to Costco and bought a sack of melons, and gave me one as a parting gift. Now that’s what I call being friendly. There’s just one little, itsy-bitsy thing. He’s a little hard of hearing. I said to him, thank you so much for the melon. And he responded, I no tinka da maila comma yet.

So Imma tella you-a somting. Imma tella you

1– if you wanna good-a fruita, you grow da fruita yourselfa.
2– if you canta tella the difference between the words-a melon and maila — getta hearing aida
3– whena you taka offa you shirta, and itta standa by itselfa, itta time to taka baththa. Okay? Okay.

So for now my lovelies. I bid you a big ciao and seeya next time.


5 thoughts on “Fridays and Fios

  1. thats tooo friggin hillarious about the guys losin his pants his own dern fault wear them suckers the right way u wont lose them hehehehe.


  2. hahahahaha to funny…the pants…but,you know he is probably putting on a new pair that are just as bad this morning lol my neighbors son has a friend that wears his pants the same way….i had to open my door and yell at him one day…i told him my kids did not want to see his nuggets,and his mama needs to buy him some pants that fit!!!

    smelly guy…ewwwwwww

    good luck and congratulations on your new place

  3. Sweetie I cant believe I missed this blog….and its a dosey! I’m sorry you had me in stitches laughing so hard. The little I-talian couple remind me of my mom (the way you talked lol, I tell my friends dont just agree w/ my mom unless u know what she is saying… cuz they dont and just say yeah or yes). I used to give them a hard time, one day she’d sneak a question in, they’d answer yes not knowing to what and bam… I’m in trouble lol. She still has that thick european accent, and speaks broken english. I just thought of my mom and my oma & opa, Europeans are very giving and love to feed people:). Especially the older generation.

    The guy w/ the pants…. I’m sorry I’m still laughing, we were picking up my meds and in Dillons parking lot a bunch of young guys w/ their pants so low that like you said… you saw parts that were just too much information… anyway we see it all the time, but that day they were begging to fall (one of the guys were holding up a corner while he crossed infront of the suv)… not cross like normal people cross the parking lot by the pediastrian lane.. but walking across down the middle of the aisle so you cant go anywhere but watch the guys and pray you dont see anymore than you already have… and yeapers bingo we shared the same experience one of the homie’s pants went down… the others were laughing while they were holding their own pants from going further thinking they were da bomb…. I just wanted to yell out why dont ya’ll pull ur pants up before all of u loosing em… but then guess we could all have a good laugh… Jer laughed at me for that one… Yeah right, dont think you’d do it… (hmmm he’s right at one time I would have, but not like they’d hear me know anyway). I laughed because well Mr. Studdly w/ the knee drop pants well… wasnt actually as studdly as he thought lol. Gosh I wish I’d have read this last week.. how funny.

    I love the name of your new car… Mentley… sounds chic, classy… sounds so Val lol. That’s a good thing. I love your sense of humour and outlook on things. Thanks for sharing like you do, I absolutely look forward to the next each time… Have a wonderful weekend love, looking forward to the next blog:). Big hugs. xoxo Mary

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